Bloggin' on down the Rogue...

The Marine and the Terrorist - More weekend jollies...

Borrowed from: JohnEyler.com

http://www.johneyler.com/Storyjokes.shtml

The Marine and the Terrorist

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was that heavily armed insurgent.

We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife, scumbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunken murderer.

So I yelled that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!", and he retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

The weekend chuckle...

Fabulous weather! The Muxkegon Air Fair yesterday was great. It is still going on today.and should be an equally great show.

I played 18 holes of golf today and the temperature is just right. I wanted to do another 9 but the other three players said they had other things to do today, so I agreed that I did too. Here I am. Maybe I will go work on the 20 meter phased array and get it working again.

Here are a couple of images I found on the net that struck me funny!

That's all for now!

Todays Chuckle

Author: Unknown

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair

.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.

That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jockstrap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Any guesses which one?

Time to lighten the mood a little.

I found this joke on "The Stupid Jedi"

Three prominent Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing challenging surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I could be the best surgeon in Arkansas. A concert pianist once lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second surgeon, not to be outdone, said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an automobile accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Some years back, a local gal got high on cocaine and marijuana, stole a neighbor’s horse and rode the horse head-on into a freight train traveling 80 miles an hour! All I had left to work with was the gal’s blond hair and the horses rear end. Today she's a prominent Senator from New York State."

Somewhere Over The White House...

Hey, check this out... this is a hoot!

This is from:
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-handelsman-story,0,6454031.htmlstory

>

Check out this political ad!

We need more of this type of representative! Vern Robinson from North Carolina...

http://vernonrobinson.com/twilightzone3.shtml

The Great Phoni...

We've been hearing that Algore is making a resurgence and that he is ressurecting his tired old "Global Warming" song.

It's Friday night, Miller time...

It is time for some entertainment, high or low... lets flip the coin.

Check out this web site. Everything you ever wanted to know about flatulence!

Hmmm... lets add an anchovie pizza to the mix!  

Cartoonz

So true, so true.... Click on the cartoon to view more of them!

The above image was borrowed from the Mark Levin Fan Club. Please click on the above image to view more and to poke about his site!

The DNC Theme Song

The DNC Theme Song

courtesy of the Mark Levin Fan Club

[CLICK HERE]
to play it....

OR

[CLICK HERE]
if the above link doesn't load.

Another use for Diet Coke!

Diet Coke and Mentos candy combine for an interesting effect!
This took some time and thought to set up!

[CLICK HERE] to view.

Do not try this at home unless you are prepared for a HUGE mess!

Georgie's Used Cars and Discount Green Card Mart

Yes you heard correct folks, down here at Georgie Bush's used car lot and discount green card store, no one will under price us! Hell, next week we will probably be giving them away. This offer is only good to GENUINE illegal aliens. If we check the social security records and find that your number is real and the IRS has a record of you, you must be a citizen and are not eligible for all the great giveaways we have planned for the real constituents of the Senate and White House. So get your butts across the border. Agents will be standing by with voter registration forms at the watering stations.

[Disclaimer: Citizens may not renounce citizenship to get in on these great deals!]

Texas ChilI Cookoff - a little humor

Texas Chili Contest

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly.If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the c all came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh--, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste ! it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300+ LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

The Crapitol News June 2, 2006

News of the White House and Senate unholy alliances...

..Ohhh Man...I'm in reeeeal deep sheeit this time.....

If you have spent any time in the service you will appreciate this as much as I did! I busted a gut laughing at this one. I have heard some sea stories and this is the best so far.

from The Cook Shack blog

Permalink:
http://thecookshack.blogspot.com/2006/05/ohhh-manim-in-reeeeal-deep-shit-this.html

Trackback:
http://haloscan.com/tb/thecookshack/114848327911827753

..Ohhh Man...I'm in reeeeal deep shit this time.....

Well Sir...as of late...several of my close feller bloggers have been humorously nostalgisizin bout funny past experiences in their live...so here's a true account of something I did while stationed about the submarine the USS Piper SS409.....most of you old bubbleheads will probably enjoy this story....and hopefully ....ya won't be able to relate to it frum experience.....

Now...fer you folks that aren't in the know... at first this story might get a little boring and technical...but it's necessary for me to explain some things to y'all so's ya will understand just what was happenin....bear with me please. On the old fleet boats (WWII Submarines)..all the various water and sewage piping drained into the Sanitary Tanks...things like the sinks, showers, coffee urn, heads (toilets), urinals, skuttlebutts (drinking fountains) and few other extraneous systems having to do with water/sewage.

Now Sir...this tank had to be emptied (blown) overboard just about everyday during a certain duty watch...and there was a very explicit way to do this that entailed closing every valve..frum every line and every pipe that ran into the Sanitary tanks throughout the entire Boat....and there was a check-list that y'all had to use to make sure you had in fact closed every single drain valve in the boat.

Once all the drain valves goin to the Sanitary Tanks were closed...the sailor would then proceed to a pressurization station in the After Battery compartment...and open several other valves...one of them being the "Outer" Sanitary Tank valve...this being the underwater valve that was outside the boat. Once completed...he would then pressurize the Sanitary tank by putting 20 lbs of compressed air pressure into it.... thus flushing all sewage out of the tank and overboard into the ocean. Now y'all can see why all the other valves had t'be shut first....so's nuthin could blow back up the lines. I know this has been kinda boring to y'all....but stay with me.......

Now Sir...I had done this procedure many ....many times...and had never had a problem...but on this particular evening...sumthin went wrong. One could tell when the Sanitary Tank was emptying out by watchin a "Yarway" guage on the bulkhead (wall)...and when the tank was empty...you would secure the blow by turning off the air pressure....close a couple a valves at this station...and Re-open all the drain valves throughout the boat.

Well Sir, on this one disasterous and infamous evenin...I put 20 pounds a pressure in there as yur supposed to...and nuthin happened! The guage didn't budge. Tapped the guage...nuthin. Re-adjusted all the valves at that station...nuthin. OK...now what? Well...what the hell...let me give it 25 pounds of pressure....still nuthin. Godamnit...what the f*#k is goin on here? Checked all the immediate valves to make sure that they were in the correct positions....gave the system another 25 pound shot....nuthin. OK you SOB...here's 30 pounds a pressure......take that.....nuthin. The guage wasn't droppin one iota......

Totally flummoxed....I re-re-checked evrythin agin...gave it pressure....still nuthin. OK...damn you...y'all wanna play rough...here's 40 f*#kin pounds a pressure (twice the amount yur sposed t'use). Ah Ha...the guage jumped and then started goin down...the tank was finally emptying. At about that same moment in time...a crewmember nicknamed "Wingnut" cause a his big ears...came running through the After Battery yelling "SECURE THE BLOW....SECURE THE BLOW"!

I immediately shut the pressure valve off, looked at "Wingnut"....and asked.."what's wrong?" He looked at me...and with a broad-ass grin goin frum one a his huge ears to the other said... "Man...I'm real glad I ain't you". What are y'all talkin bout I asked agin. Now.....laughin uncontrolably and holdin his sides....Wingnut barely got it out that I needed get into the Crew's Mess right away..."the COB wants to see you"......

Now fer those a you unfamiliar...the COB is the "Chief of the Boat"...the most senior and experienced enlisted man on a submarine...he's next to God...his power is legendary....even the Captain listens to him when he speaks. Now...the COB on our boat was a grizzly old character named Joe Negri...and it was said that he'd been in the Navy so long that he had been First Mate on Noah's Ark... and he ate torpedo explosives fer breakfast and washed it all down with diesel oil....this guy was in the Navy when the ships were made of wood...and the men were made of steel...y'all gettin a mental picture yet....?

Now Sir....when I entered the Crew's Mess....I was greeted with a scene very reminiscent of....

...the only difference was that the bear...otherwise known as the COB....Joe Negri...the most Senior Chief Petty Officer in the United States Navy....was standin there with a coffee cup danglin from his hand and he was completely covered in SHIT!...frum his head to his toes...shit was drippin of his weathered old chief's hat, his nose, his chin, his ears, his eyebrows, his belt buckle..everywhere. The crews mess and galley was covered in shit...the deck was covered in shit....and when I seen what I had done....and the look on the COB's face....I almost added somemore shit to the scene myself via the back a my pants.

Well Sir...once old Joe got done tearin this here bubblehead a brand new asshole and callin me names I ain't never heard of before...or since...he stormed outta the Mess Hall bellowin t'me over his shoulder that he damned sure wasn't through with me yet....

There was dead silence fer a few seconds after he stormed through the hatch inta the Control Room...then...all the crew members who had been in the Mess Hall when the proverbial shit hit the fan...or rather the COB...broke into hysterical laughter.

Some crew members told me that the scene of the shit explosion occurred somthin like this....

Several guys were sitting in the galley quietly havin a cup a coffee when they heard a very loud noise that sounded like "Sproing!" (that was the sound of the drain line valve from the coffee urn to the Sanitary Tank breaking under double it's intended pressure). At about the same time...the COB happened to come around the corner to get a cup of coffee...he put his coffee cup under the serving spicket on the urn and pulled it....KABLOOM....shit that was bein pushed by 40 pounds of pressure...hit the bottom of his coffee cup and exploded up and out like Mt. Vesuvius and instantly covered him from head to toe....then shit continued to blast into the galley through the still open spicket and the broken glass tubes on the front of the urn. They said that the COB had the most horrified, puzzled, surprised, disgusting, confused and angry expression on his face...all at the same time...that they couldn't even mimic what his face looked like. The rest is history.......

Now...it don't take genius to figure out just who had to clean up all the shit. The coffee urn...a total loss...oh it was fixed and cleaned...but ain't nobody would ever drink outta it after that...includin me....the boat had t'get a new one.

Now Sir....I originally stuck t'my story that I had only used the required 20 pounds a pressure...nuthin more. Musta been a faulty valve said I. This always left a doubt in some minds as to just how much I was to blame fer the whole thing....

Well Sir...now...for the first time in 42 years...I'm finally fessin up. Joe...if'n yur out there somewhere readin this....I apologise to y'all fer all the shit I gave ya (sorry...couldn't resist).....and I deserved every "shit" detail and wurk assignment y'all gave me fer the next three months...as well as how ya restricted me to the boat with no leave or liberty....as well as all the chippin & paintin assignments ya gave me...as well as all the extra watches I had to stand....and the extra "Mess Cookin"(KP) duties....and the "bilge watches"...and all the ass chewin's that followed...no sir...I deserved it all Joe...and may God Bless ya where-ever you may be......you were a man's man.

ADDENDUM:

After I posted this...a good friend and feller blogger..Sig... over at Signal94...put his very vivid imagination and seemingly endless talents at writing/poetry and song composition to wurk and came up with a musical rendition of "Cookie's Big Adventure"...done to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies. If'n y'all wanna read somthin funny....get on over there and check out his blog...and BTW...this man has some Op-Eds, views and articles that are extremely well written and well thought out...so keep checkin his site out every chance ya get...y'all won't be disappointed....Cookie...

ADDENDUM II:

Well Sir...since postin this article...I'm findin out that this old bubblehead wasn't the only sub sailor to have some misadventures regardin the "San's" tank's and gettin rid of the poop. PBS (Pig Boat Sailor) over at The Discomfort of Thought sent me a link to a real bad (and long) string of bad luck that he had on the USS Ustafish (think about it)...here's the link if'n y'all wanna a funny read...
http://discomfortofthought.blogspot.com/2005/09/oh-carp-what-duty

McCain WANTED Poster

Just something I made for fun...

Heard in today's Senate Judiciary Committee hearing...

Senator Russ Feingold didn't like the fact that not enough of the public was at the hearing on Homosexual marriage so he jumps up and says he is leaving.

The person who looked a lot like Chairman Specter said, "Good Riddance"!

(OKAY, who are you and what have you done with our nice soft spineless RINO, Senator Spector?)

Time to lighten up a little... here goes

Fasten your seat belts on your computer chairs!

These Will Make You Feel Smart

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President

And .

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, VP

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

--Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

Potentially and Realistically - A Joke (PG-13)

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, & then, ask your brother "if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with BradPitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!"

The boy then went to his brother! and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes... potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars... but realistically,... we're living with two sluts and a queer"

Kerry Exposes US Spy, Gets People's Hero Medal Award

[For the humorless out there, here is a bit of levity!]

An interesting picture...

Cat and Chicken - Best Friends

I just watched a video that I thought was funny. A cat and chicken that get along great. The cat crawls into the chicken coop and sleeps, nestled under the wing of the chicken like a baby chick.

Here is the URL for the video...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=U4Nyf6ib1OQ

A Picture worth 1,000 words!!! - A MUST SEE!

Senator Stabenow (D-MI)
A Picture worth 1,000 words!!!

March 14, 2006 - Captured live from C-Span

[ ed: Thank You Debbie... we've known it all along, but never expected you to admit it in this lifetime! WOOOOHOOOO! YESSSssssss! High Fives all around]

Thanks to Saul Anuzis for this information.

Saul, this should be made into billboards all around the state of Michigan!

Google - Mars

You must check this out... they say a picture is worth a 1000 words.

http://www.google.com/mars/

Vermont Towns Endorse Move to Impeach Bush (AP)

>AP - In five Vermont communities, a centuries-old tradition of residents gathering in town halls to conduct local business became a vehicle to send a message to Washington: Impeach the president.

Vermont Towns Endorse Move to Impeach Bush (AP)

Here is todays chuckle... 121 communists and socialist Democrats in Vermont are calling on the lone avowed communist in congress, Bernie Sanders, to file for Impeachment of President Bush. I think we should have residents of the State of Vermont quarantined and observed for signs ot schitzophrenia and other mental disorders. Hmm 121 voters... sounds like they have a plurality of the popular vote of that blue state! (wink wink)

Yes, by a vote of 121 to 29 they decided that Bush should be impeached for saying the same things that the Democrats have said for years. Of course their line of reasoning is that Bush is supposed to always tell the truth (which he did) and that everyone expects a Democrat to lie (which they do even when the truth stares them in the face). Thus they lie and say that he lied about WMDs and other things when they also were saying them. Now "Democrat Selective Amnesia" has set in. This is a subset of the Democrat BIG LIE strategy.

Chicago Requires Driver's Ed for the Blind (AP)

We always knew there was something wrong with the education system... Here is Proof!

Chicago Requires Driver's Ed for the Blind

CHICAGO - Most high school students eagerly await the day they pass driver's education class. But 16-year-old Mayra Ramirez is indifferent about it.

Ramirez is blind, yet she and dozens of other visually impaired sophomores in Chicago schools are required to pass a written rules-of-the-road exam in order to graduate — a rule they say takes time away from subjects they might actually use.

"In other classes, you don't really feel different because you can do the work other people do," Ramirez said. "But in driver's ed, it does give us the feeling we're different. In a way, it brought me down, because it reminds me of something I can't do."

Hundreds of school districts in Illinois require students to pass driver's ed, although the state only requires that districts offer the courses. A state education official says districts that require it should exempt disabled students.

"It defies logic to require blind students to take this course," Meta Minton, spokeswoman for the state Board of Education, told the Chicago Tribune in a Friday story.

About 30 students at two Chicago high schools with programs for the visually impaired recently formed an advocacy group in part to change the policy.

A Chicago Public Schools official said the district would be open to waiving the requirement.

"I can't explain why up to this point no one has raised the issue and suggested a better way for visually impaired students to opt out of driver's ed," said Chicago schools spokesman Michael Vaughn.

Vaughn said parents of disabled students can, by law, request a change in their child's individual education plan, which could include a driver's ed exemption. But teachers and students said that is a little-known option, and that they have been told driver's ed is required to graduate.

[You have to wonder about the whole school system in Chicago. This is a "No Brainer". It should not have taken national publicity for them to do something about this. They should not have had to "raise the issue". There are morons in the school system on the staff side of the board, those who wrote the rule and those who enforced it. Somewhere along the line we will find out that this was a federal mandate from the Clinton administration!]

Gramps and the Peacock

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

A pre-April 1st Warm-up story?

[No pictures or other documentation was presented with this story so you have to decide - Real or Hoax]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060307/sc_afp/turkeyhealthscience

Human quadrupeds discovered in Turkey

Tue Mar 7, 7:56 AM ET

LONDON (AFP) - The discovery of a Turkish family that walks on all fours could aid research into the evolution of humans.

Researchers believe the five brothers and sisters, who can walk naturally only on all fours, may provide new information on how humans evolved from four-legged hominids to walk upright.

Nicholas Humphrey, evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, told The Times the discovery opened "an extraordinary window on our past".

"I do not think they were designed to be quadrupeds by their genes, but their unique genetic make-up allowed them to be," he said.

"It has produced an extraordinary window on our past. It is physically possible, which noone would have guessed from the [modern] human skeleton."

The siblings, the subject of a new BBC documentary to be aired on March 17, suffer from a genetic abnormality that may prevent them from walking upright.

Instead, they use their palms like heels with their fingers sticking up from the ground.

The BBC said the documentary would contribute to fierce scientific debate and raised profound questions about what it is to be human.

Humphrey, who has contributed to the documentary, believes the style of walking may be a throwback to a form of behaviour abandoned by humans more than three million years ago.

Two sisters and one son have only ever walked on two hands and two feet, while another daughter and son occasionally walk on two feet.

All five are mentally retarded and have problems with language as a result of a form of underdevelopment of the brain known as cerebellar ataxia.

However Humphrey told the Times their behaviour may be partly the result of their parents tolerating the behaviour in childhood.

They are aged between 18 and 34 and live in southern Turkey, athough the makers of the documentary have not disclosed their exact location.

"They walk like animals and that's very disturbing at first. But we were also very moved by this family's tremendous warmth and humanity," Jemima Harrison of Passionate Productions told the Times.

Virus Attack

Uh oh! The vandals must have been out to the Amish farms flattening the wood wheels on their wagons and stealing the horses shoes again! We have a sizeable population of Amish here in Michigan!

OLD Cinderella

Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"

The fairy godmother replied, "It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had." At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?" Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man." Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life." With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close,

blowing her golden hair

with his warm breath

as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."

Porn star's voice on Comedy Central mobile video

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Porn star Jenna Jameson will lend her voice to an animated series produced by Viacom's Comedy Central that will be delivered to mobile phone users, the network said on Wednesday.

Porn star's voice on Comedy Central mobile video

Oh great... as if cell callers aren't distracted enough as it is!!!

The value of an education... starting early!

...'nuff said!

>

parting shot: I want to work for Billy Clinton at Hooters!

Yooper race is flush with success

The outhouses crash into storefronts. They maul newspaper racks. They bowl over people.

Yooper race is flush with success

This is what happens after an attack of cabin fever in the UP!

The last living veteran of the Civil War died on March 16, 1958, at age 112.

The last living veteran of the Civil War died on March 16, 1958, at age 112.

Daily Word Quiz: supererogatory

Celeste's attitude toward her weight loss diet was supererogatory. When the diet called for a small chef salad,...

Daily Word Quiz: supererogatory

Say What???

Chance for $365 Million Powerball Jackpot Fuels Long Lines

A winning Powerball ticket was sold in Lincoln, Neb., the Nebraska Lottery reported last night. It was not immediately known whether other winning tickets were sold in other states.

Chance for $365 Million Powerball Jackpot Fuels Long Lines

If no one comes forward, I'd like to claim it as mine... [ah well, it is a good dream anyway]

The Abramoff Lobbying Scandal...

http://www.capitaleye.org/abramoff_recips.asp?sort=N

The Abramoff Lobbying Scandal

This is a list of lobbying funds from indian tribes to legislators after Abramoff registered as a lobbyist. The list from before then is larger.

It is truly amazing (and entertaining) how this has suddenly gone from a "Republican Scandal" and has become non-news now that the full list is in the open and it shows how many Democrats have dirty hands. Senator Harry Reid(D-NV) has become silent on this. I note that the Democrat Party of Michigan is listed but the Republican Party of Michigan is NOT! As a "Laugh In" character used to say "Verrry Interesting!" Is this why Mark Brewer (Michigan Democrat Party Chairman) is hiding out, wearing dark glasses, and looking like one of the "Blues Brothers"? (See "Blues Brothers? Is he hiding out from someone?" under Entertainment and Politics elsewhere on this blog). To see a list - Democrat and Republican - of those receiving funds from Abramoff, check the link above!

It is worthwhile to note that Debbie Stabenow and Karl Levin are on the list. Other Michigander Democrats, John Dingell, Dale Kildee, Sander Levin also had a hand out.

Of the full Michigan Congressional Delegation, Bart Stupak(D), Vern Ehlers(R), Fred Upton(R), Joe Schwarz(R), Joe Knollenberg(R), Candice Miller(R), Thad McCotter(R), Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick(D), and John Conyers(D) are NOT listed.

Blues Brothers? Is he hiding out from someone?

...and take a look at this link on one of the commie blogs

http://www.dailykos.com/tag/Mark%20Brewer
> The Dems think maybe our crumbum pictured above may have mis-spent some party money and want to do an audit ...

If the above listed link should suddenly go [404 Error-Not Found] I have a copy here: [cache]

Cheney shoots man in hunt error

US Vice-President Dick Cheney accidentally shoots and injures a man during a quail hunting trip in Texas.

Cheney shoots man in hunt error

Reporters questioned whether he had the proper hunting tags and permits, looking for ways to convict him or hound him out of office.

The good news... there are no bag limits there on lawyers or politicians, Democrats in particular. ;) [wink-wink]

Here is a REAL hoot from those comedians, the Socialist DNC!

http://www.democrats.org/a/2006/02/annual_report_t_1.php

Democrats.org has a post called "Annual Report to the Grassroots" that's worth checking out...

Re-posted in full, because this is exactly what you have helped to accomplish in Governor Dean's first year as chairman. -- Tim One year ago today... Governor Howard Dean launched his plan for building a new Democratic Party. The members...

---

All Republican activists should read this, as it gives a glimpse of the socialist propaganda that they are using to try to recruit the ignoramuses who could care less over who wins and who go to the ballot box not knowing anything.

Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas (AP) -- An attorney hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney was accidentally shot in the face and chest with shotgun pellets when Cheney took aim on a quail during a weekend trip to a South Texas ranch....

Cheney Accidentally Shoots Fellow Hunter

Someone in the hunting party said, "Hey...there goes John Kerry!" Cheney wheeled around and let fly. The person hit by the birdshot was just another member of his hunting party. Kerry was nowhere to be seen! Of course Mr Cheney can be forgiven the error as he did hit a lawyer.

Texas Chili Cook-Off... more humor

I found this and could not resist. I laughed 'til I cried... This will be the last one today.

I PROMISE!

Texas Chili Contest

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly.If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the c all came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh--, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste ! it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300+ LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

World War III is coming...

World War III is coming...

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar after sneeking out of the White House through the tunnel. A heavy discussion is under way.

A guy walks in and says to the barkeeper, "Gimme a shot and beer... Say, isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The barkeep says, "Here ya go! Yep, that's them."

So the guy downs the shot of bar whiskey and carries his beer over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".

There! I just had to do something to lighten the atmosphere around here. So much chatter lately about treasonous, low life, inbred, socialist Democrats and RINOs was causing me to get gloomy. We need fun things, too! As I run across them, I will post bits of humor. If it is at the expense of the Damnocrats, so much the better.

An Old Mafia Don

Subject: An old Italian Mafia Don

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch nstead?"

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man.

Whadda you gonna do then......pointa to you watch and a say, Times Up?"

White Castle shows its romantic side for Valentine's Day

C andlelight and carnations, tablecloths and smiling hostesses, cheese sticks and piles of small, steamed hamburgers with holes.

White Castle shows its romantic side for Valentine's Day

Awww... this sounds so sweet and romantic. Why its even better than a date to the golden arches. We do not have a White Castle in my vicinity. We have to go to the grocery and look in the frozen foods section to be able to enjoy this pre-cooked cuisine! It is heat-n-eat. To get it live and fresh we have to go either to Chicago or Detroit.

Early Version of T. Rex Is Discovered

NEW YORK (AP) -- Scientists say they've found the earliest known tyrannosaur, shedding light on the lineage that produced the fearsome Tyrannosaurus rex. The discovery comes with a puzzle: Why did this beast have a strange crest on its head?...

Early Version of T. Rex Is Discovered

...and why did it have sheet music for the song "Bang a gong"? ;)

Ford shows off new Escape hybrid that can run on ethanol

Ford shows off new Escape hybrid that can run on ethanol

Ford shows off new Escape hybrid that can run on ethanol

John McCormick / Special to Detnews.com

Jenifher Acosta dusts off the new 2007 Lincoln Navigator as its companion, a white 2007 Navigator L, is refected in the chrome during a media preview of the Chicago Auto Show Wednesday.

CHICAGO - Basketball legend Magic Johnson joined forces with Kermit the Frog to promote a new version of its fuel-efficient hybrid Escape Wednesday at the Chicago Auto Show.

The hybrid prototype is the first to be capable of running on E85 ethanol fuel.

Anne Stevens, Ford executive vice president, said that if only 5 percent of the U.S. vehicle fleet were to run on ethanol, America would save 140 million barrels of oil a year.

As a company, Ford is “only beginning to scratch the surface of the potential for ethanol, “ Stevens added, pointing out a new E85-capable version of the F-150 pickup.

Magic Johnson also helped debut the new Lincoln Navigator. The 2007 model comes with a new grille and hood design plus an all-new independent rear suspension, said Peter Horbury, executive director of design. Follow the link up above to read the entire article... and the link down below for more info on ethanol fuel.

Here is the link to the E85 ethanol fuel website. http://www.e85fuel.com/index.php

A Valentines Day activity...

On Valentines Day, the web group AA419.org is planning some fun. Please log in and see for yourself. We are dedicated to exposing and removing internet scam bankers and other scammers around the world. If you would like to help please log in to http://www.aa419.org.

Thanks!

Shut Up Cindy!

I just found this web site and thought info about it deserved to be spread.

http://www.shutupcindy.com

If you look to the left side of the graphic above, you will see Dr. Howard Dean with his hand in the position he uses when inserted to the elbow for manipulating Cindy Sheehan as a sock puppet. He even has a good immitation of her voice down pat for those occasions when he needs her to be at her nutty best. That look on Cindy's face is "pain" as Doctor Dean practices proctology and gets ready to act as puppeteer. It is truly amazing what she volunteers to do for the communist cause! No one can accuse her of being anal retentive anymore!

Why they included a pic of Michael Moore bragging lieing about the size of his johnson is beyond me?